Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize