it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
be right there i have to get my cape
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we're so committed to being not committed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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