Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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