Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
