the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
