watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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