Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
