I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
