Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
