Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
