I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
