Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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