is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles