we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His hands were made for my vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
