when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.