hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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