I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY