I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.