I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia