Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt