You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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