the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
