I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
