Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
