True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
