I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
