If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
