Will you blow on my dice?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
