ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
her facebook's as public as her vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
