Don't make out with my wife yet
Farmville is her only friend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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