Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
