question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
