you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
