You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
