Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
