She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
