First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize