You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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