operation harelip BJ is a go
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
