i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize