I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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