Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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