I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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