I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
