i just wanna soil my oats bro
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
