i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
