dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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