I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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