Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
