...so i touched it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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