the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
