Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
