Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
