The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
