They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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