Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
