Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
