He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Shame is for Republicans.
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