I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
