Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
