I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
