that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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