I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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