I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
