im drinking this country out of the recession.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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