I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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