Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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