Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
