hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
