ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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