Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
