I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
