P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
