Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
