Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
