Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
