I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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