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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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