She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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