I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
