Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
