so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
