i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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