my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize