I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
