do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
