i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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