He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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