he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
