I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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