How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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