so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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