I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
