the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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