hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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