I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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