rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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