ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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