I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
